I don’t know how I managed to do it, but I got out of taking physics in school. I didn’t take it in high school and I didn’t take it in college.

The funny thing is that now I really wish I had because out of all the types of science I did take – you know, chemistry, biology, anatomy, geology – the one I can most apply to my obsession that is personal development is physics. This will make more sense in a minute.

So, I recently pulled out one of my fave books -yes, I know I have a lot of fave books- called If You Have To Cry, Go Outside by Kelly Cutrone.

As I was flipping through it, one of the parts I highlighted caught my eye. It says:

…you have to give up your life as you know it to get a new one… sometimes you need to let go of everything you’re clinging to and start over, whether because you’ve outgrown it or because it’s not working anymore…


This is where physics comes in: two things can’t occupy the same space at the same time. This is without exception.

A lot of us say we want to change our lives but we want the change to fit into the life we already have now. That’s physically impossible.

You may say you want a romantic relationship yet you don’t want to make yourself vulnerable. You can’t not be vulnerable and have a romantic relationship. It’s physically impossible for the two to exist at the same time.

You may say you want to lose weight but you don’t want to change what you eat or work out more. Basically, you want your shitty lifestyle to magically make you more fit. Either you want your lifestyle to remain the same or you want to get in shape. It’s physically impossible for the two to happen at the same time.

There are tons of other examples I could give for this, but I think you get the gist.

For the past three years I’ve taken courses, worked with coaches, filed up multiple notebooks with things I learned from those courses and coaches and read tons of books on the subject of personal development and transformation.

Because I immersed myself in my studies, a lot of what I learned has become a part of me, meaning it’s my own wisdom now. I don’t have to think about it most of the time. The answers are within me.

But there are also times when going back and reading something reignites wisdom that got covered up by everyday life. If you don’t remind yourself of your wisdom everyday sometimes you forget. It’s not bad – it’s natural. But that’s why it’s called “spiritual practice.” (And yes, transformation is spiritual.) Because you have to practice every day otherwise the wisdom will go away.

And this concept of completely giving up beliefs, behaviors, and even people that you know can’t exist in your new life is one of those wisdoms that we forget about a lot. Maybe because it’s hard and we don’t really want to give up things that, even though they’re not necessarily helping us in life, those things have still been really valuable to us in some way.

Change isn’t easy. Nothing worth having is.

But just in case this wisdom – which I know you have within you – has gotten buried underneath normal everyday life stuff, I wanted to remind you today that there is no exception to the rule that two things cannot occupy the same place at the same time.

I know how lives change. I’ve changed my own and I can help you change yours, but you don’t really need me – you can do it all on your own.

At the end of the day, the only person who holds you accountable is you. So, while hiring a life coach might make it harder for you to justify not sticking to programs your coaches create for you, no other person is going to make the changes YOU need to make in your own life if YOU don’t decide to make those changes first.

Sure, you could hire a coach and talk to her twice a month but what about all the time in between meetings? Who holds you accountable during that time? Only YOU do.

So what or who do you have to let go of to finally change your life? And when are you gonna let go? It’s up to you.



Stella Santana